Singleness Stinks

Part 1

So you're your mid 20s. You've passed the age where you could pretend to be part of the college crowd and it's time to grow up. Here are some quick tips.

Your room smells. It does. Not because you're not hygienic or something, people just smell. While it's not exactly a bad smell, it's not always a good one either. If you are a girl, buy a frufru smelling freshener, but you're a man and you're also not crazy about cleaning every day. What do do?

1. You do laundry, right? Hm, basics.... Do laundry.
2. Do you know those bounce sheets you use for the dryer? Keep them in your room.

BOOM problem solved.

Professionally Single

Once upon a time, I figured I should write a book called Professionally Single. because SO many people tell me I'm good at it. Still not sure whether they mean it in a good or bad way. Maybe coauthor with KNish or Ted Yoon.

In another chapter, last Friday we had a Missions Report Night during which people from a collaborating church came. Afterward, I punched a girl I just met in the back and said, "Move it fatso." Yes, I'm awesome. In my defense, I thought she was a girl from our church. Wait, that doesn't sound... um, okay, going to stop digging myself deeper in a hole now.

Social Science

I guess I've always been interested in some sort of science. Apparently in kindergarten when they asked people to draw what they wanted to be when they grew up, I drew a guy with a telescope and said, "Scientist".

In high school, I think I tried to run a few social experiments. Some on me, some on others. Like there was this one period where I wore only black (but I wasn't goth, OKAY!!). Another time went 3 years without wearing jeans (you don't want to know) and there was a time when I chose not to speak to anyone during school except when it was necessary (seriously, you don't).

But by far the most out there was for one year (or was it a semester) I was really really



really really nice (Yeah, I know I am already super nice but this was including verbal niceness). You read that right. I think to most people that's almost unimaginable, a complete alternate-universe, twilight zone moment. (by coincidence and seriously purely coincidence I did end up with a girlfriend by the end of that year).

Anyway, I was just thinking about that recently (and laughing). And all the conclusions had a common theme. I'm WEIRD. Er, was weird back then - I'm UBER cool now. But if I wasn't, would I have picked up the hobbies I enjoy most (most are done alone)? Anyway, so if I ask you not to touch me, or am doing something not normal, you may be taking part in my next experiment.

PS, randomly Junia mentioned if I had Aspergers. I was thinking I don't usually eat vegi patties but an asparagus-burger sounds interesting, but then I looked it up. NO, I'm just normally socially awkward okay?

Contradiction in contradictions

So I've decided that sometimes, I need to conduct social experiments. A recent one was "to a girl, yes means no and no means yes". I figure, if true, it could solve a lot of problems and possibly be impressive. One disasterous week later of doing the opposite things, I have proof that it is, in fact, more complicated. If you're right it works out great, but if you guess wrong it's many times worse than the gain possible. Not only that but you'll be wrong like 85% of the time. It's like making shapes with your SAT scantron answers - the juice is not worth the squeeze. It's a mystery how the human race has still survived to this day.

On a related note, I conducted the experiment, "Men are stupid". See above.